Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Darp Sick File

It's that time yet again. More embarrassing Darpist filth dug up from the archives and sent in by a contributor.

Barf bag on standby...

Yes folks the man who can save White Nationalists from themselves by way of offering counseling and “re-educating” the arm chair racists of the Darling Downs enlightens us all with his pathetic life.

From Mathew Henderson Hau aka Darp:


Darp the drug addicted student at MacQuarie University 1990’s:

“But being a poor student, I was then decked out in the post-rave sporty/fashion trackie top look with Adidas gazelles, a Supergrass style Lego cut and an increasing fascination with Cocaine as opposed to Ecstasy. Something that got kinda hairy as the 90’s wore on.”

“My head is now swimming with memories of driving through bushy North Shore back roads, Born Slippy by Underworld blaring from the dodgy speakers on her late model Holden Astra. Doing lines off the dashboard and getting up to all sorts of wickeness. Her looking like just like
Justine Frischmann from Elastica and me with bleach-blonde hair trying to look like Sick Boy from Trainspotting”

“I partied hard, did way too many drugs and drank far too much than is good for anyone. I fell in and out of love god knows how many times and managed to come through it all mentally together, physically intact and romantically un-attached and carefree.”

“And managed to come through it all mentally together” it would seem that any fair minded person who has read any material from this deranged habitual idiot would find this statement laughable at the extreme.

Mathew Henderson Hau the Law Student, now goes into detail on how he fouls his trousers. Yes patriots of Australia, in particular ones who have been attacked for comments they have made on the Internet, behold Mathew Henderson-Hau aka Darp, highly respected by Australian Media and Jews alike.

“It was my first dump of the day, so I had the morning's porridge to unload first. Imagine one of those Nascar/Speedway races where the competitors are all jammed in behind the pace car, ready to put their foot down as soon as the signal is given.Well, my hard and nuggetty porridge turd was the pace car and once I managed to wiggle that out the exit chute, the competitors in the Newcastle Curry Hell 500 came flying out of the blocks, hell bent on breaking the Darp's anal passage land speed record, last set by a nasty case of food poisoning due to a dodgy Thai Green Curry at Prasits on Crown Street, Sydney.The first burst was pure liquid, my body was punishing me by re-routing the normal flow of excrement and choosing to piss out my arsehole. Oh, the pain of it all!I graduated to the radioactive sludge stage after about five minutes, my poor ringpiece gradually resembling a burning tyre. Each new contraction brought fourth a new spray of bum nuggets and gravy and a subsequent sob of agony from yours truly. These were communal dunnies so every now and then someone would open the door, loudly sniff the air and promptly scarper.A good half hour went by when I felt that the worst had past. Next challenge was to wipe my freckle without messing with its structural integrity. One wipe told me that I needed to jump in the nearest shower and deal with the situation - eyes closed.Up with the shreddies for a most uncomfortable walk back to my dorm to grab my towel. I dumped my boxers in the bin afterwards.”

Sorry about that folks!

Mathew Henderson-Hau aka Darp law student, up and coming pawn for the Jews (not likely after they all realise who they have sided with) admissions of drug and alcohol addiction:

“See, when I was a knockabout undergrad Uni student in search of a quick dollar to support my alcohol and drug habits, I worked in this very store as a "Spray Himbo" on the Calvin Klein counter - a veritable five metres or so away from Michael Hope and his grand piano.”

No wonder he still lives with his mummy.

Considering the emphasis put into any comment by Australian Patriots when it comes to drugs and alcohol by FDB and Mathew Henderson-Hau aka Darp the only thing that comes to mind is the Pot calling the kettle Black.

Once again readers I apologize for the following comments and long winded naming of Mathew Henderson Hau Law student professional liar self confessed drug addict well known to authorities. (gotta love that a Goggle search. I think that will impress future employers) Personal hygiene Darp style:

“I shave my balls and I vote!I shave my nutsack and I am proud! Though I am presently in the minority insofar as scrotum trimming is concerned I predict that within a few years that most guys will jump on the bandwagon. In anticipation of this, here is my guide to shaving your balls.1) Select a disposable razor of reasonable quality. Don't go too cheap arsed as you'll rip your sack open and don't go too high end (Mach 3) or the result will be identical. Make sure you use something with a lubricated strip and one of those push button thingies to eject all the hair, there'll be a allot of it!2) Select a shaving cream with some kind of moisturising content. Something for 'sensitive' skin is usually the go.3) Now we're ready to begin. Grab the hair clippers give your pubic region a light trim. Make sure the setting isn't on it's closest as it's very easy to nick yourself with clippers. Don't let the blades come into direct contact with your sack, just glide it over the top to remove the length from your ball hair. You really only need the clippers when you're a first timer.4) Now, run the shower and hop in - remembering to take your clothes off first! Expose your sack to some moderately hot water, not too hot as it'll go all loose and dangly making it harder to shave. Make it warm enough so your pods aren't hanging too low and that the surface of your pouch isn't too rough and compressed.5) Grab your knob and hold it up as you lather your hairy beanbag with the shaving cream. Many shaving creams have menthol in them, and this stings like buggery if it gets into your cockeye so be careful. You'll need to lather up regularly so keep the tin handy. Run the razor under the shower and then begin with some slow, gentle strokes in an upward motion. Don't be too concerned about shaving with or against the grain - just don't shave hard. Run the razor under the water and lather up as needed. Pull your sack tight around those hard to reach corners, making sure you've got a taut surface to shave on at all times. If you let it hang loose, you'll cut yourself. This is not much fun.6) You may find that you've got a number of hairs on your actual shaft. These can easily be shaved though it is better if you pluck them.7) Run your now baby smooth sack under the water and check for any bits you've missed. The part way under the sack where it meets the arsehole is always a trouble spot as you can never really see down there. If you're on incredibly intimate terms with your flatmates, get them to check for you.8) The most crucial part comes after you've dried off. You do not want to put anything alcohol based onto your freshly shaved sack. It causes too much irritation, especially in hot weather. All of the following topical treatments are acceptable:Moisturiser (Olay, etc)Sorbolene Non-alcohol based after-shave balms (Nivea)A few quick dabs with tea tree oil followed by talcum powder.A mate of mine claims that tea tree oil prevents you from getting in-grown hairs. I'm not sure about the validity of this but he's a hairy fucker so I assume he knows what he's talking about. I personally opt for the sorbolene.And there you have it. It's not that hard is it? I can just imagine Kyan from Queer Eye giving similar instructions to some upstate hillbilly. Maybe I should forward this article to the people auditioning for the Aussie version of that show? Hey, I'm not a woolly woofter but I don't see why I can't have the odd cameo as their exclusive ball-shaving consultant.”

Mathew Henderson Hau Law, student and stalker of teenagers, gives us all some insight into how long he has been stalking the youth of our nation:

“Joop reminds me of New Years Eve 1994-95. I spent it at a local underage drinking hangout (despite the fact I was 18) known as Roly Poly hill. Anyone who grew up around West Ryde/Eastwood will know of it.”

Mathew Henderson-Hau aka Darp, sexual deviate and Law student explains what he got up to at the Hill Song Church and various other public spaces. Again I apologize for the graphic nature:

“The memories are 100% sex: dripping, sweaty, heaving, harder, faster, softer, slower, there – that’s perfect, panting, jerking, licking, sucking, thrusting, clawing, biting, screaming, tie me up – tie me down, blindfolded? Candle wax, multispeed – needs new batteries, Carmen by Bizet, blood, lube, messy, cum, spray, double-bassing, Botanical Gardens, cocaine, ecstacy, Hillsong toilets, State Theatre toilets, fanny batter, love me, hate me, hate me some more I like it, Catatonia’s Strange Glue and Road rage, fuck me like you hate me!”

Mathew Henderson Hau self-confessed wanker:

“I tried using a hand-cream moisturiser but wound up “relaxing in a gentleman's way” (tossing) more often than not when I applied it. Apparently my cock tasted like Lavender and Chamomile for a good while afterwards.”

Mathew Henderson Hau faces the facts of life but still lives with his mummy:

“I STILL don't know what I want to do with my stupid fucked up life.”

Here is an idea, why not end it?

So there we have it folks. If you managed to get through this you have done well. Personally I have had all types of trouble researching this self made tower of shit. The purpose of this is not for the benefit of White Nationalists but for future employers and law makers who wish to Google Mathew Henderson-Hau aka Darp. These comments made by Mathew Henderson-Hau Aka Darp may prove very useful in the future, if only to warn people of this mad man. Researching this creature has been one of the hardest tasks I have ever had to do. This man if you could call him that is a personal affront to common decency.


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