Friday, September 01, 2006

Big Daddy Darp?

On the 19th day of July 2004, in the “Heckler” column of the Sydney Morning Herald, Mathew (look at me) Henderson-Hau aka ‘Darp’ of Eastwood NSW revealed to the World a whole bunch of stuff about HIM that nobody wanted to, or needed, know. He’s been doing it ever since, ad nauseam.

Here are a few choice quotes.

Barf bags on standby:

Big kid Mat Henderson-Hau now wants a little one of his own.

“I've found myself being the perennial "Uncle Mat". The guy who's good with kids and babies, the guy who knows how to hold them correctly without risking spinal damage, the guy who for some strange reason knows how to make them stop crying by simply pulling a few stupid faces and making coo-ing noises.”
Yes Darp, we’ve seen the stupid faces.

“I've never professed to understand it myself. Like many twenty-somethings who have refused to grow up, I'm just good with babies.”

Well, a couple of years on and a sad, THIRTY something who still lives at home with mummy is showing all the disturbing signs of an entrenched Peter Pan, King of the kids… Michael Jackson even syndrome. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend anyone let him anywhere NEAR their kids! He is a fuckin’ freak!

“I still get as excited over Diff'rent Strokes, Transformers and the Smurfs as I ever did.”

AND, don’t forget shaving your gonads to make you appear even MORE like the age group you emulate and prefer to spend your time with.

“However, none of this wanton immaturity can explain my current bizarre longing to sow my wild oats in one paddock and produce an heir.”

OMIGOD! That is a thoroughly sickening thought. This cretin should be sterilised NOW to remove any possibility of this nightmare ever coming true.

“I guess if I had any vicarious intent with my offspring it would be to see them given the opportunity to do whatever they wanted to do, without having to pander to parental whims and ill-directed prompting regarding their career and life choices.”

Yep, that’s right, that’s all we need, more feral mongrels roaming the streets doing exactly what they want while their Dr. Spock inspired parents goof off at home “smokin’ spliffs” and “doin’ lines” while watching Big Brother on tele.

“If they've inherited my natural aptitude for beating up people on the football field, I'll be there shivering on the touchline every Saturday morning without fail”

Oh yeah, Darp LOVES his violent fantasies, big daddy Darp’ll be there cheering on his brats as they take cheap shots at White kids on the sporting field JUST like his coconut heroes and like he did, or at least DREAMED about.
WHAT a WANKER!

All this stuff takes on an altogether more sinister significance when taken into consideration with the other facts we have on his sick and bizarre behaviour, including a propensity to expose his genitals in public spaces and spending a New Years Eve with underage drinkers at a location known as “Roly Poly Hill”.

Now I don’t know about YOU, gentle reader, but I began MY underage drinking sprees at FIFTEEN and it is said the kiddies have been starting a lot younger since the Seventies. Perhaps there were even some Twelve or Thirteen year olds there that night with an Eighteen plus Darp…

Generation so-called ‘Y’, the teenyboppers of today, are often referred to by social observers as the “wristband generation” due to their habit of wearing coloured plastic wristbands to make political statements or display a commitment to a particular cause.
It is worthy of note that Darp is often seen wearing one, or several, the Green one being his favourite. This obviously refers to his Australian Greens Party membership but why is a Thirty something male trying so hard to look like a teenager?
I believe the POLITE term for Darp’s character is unwholesome…

Where am I going with all this?

Join the dots yourselves folks.

NOT a nice picture, is it?

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